What a Long Strange Week It's Been

So, the book came out last week, the culmination of years of pouring myself out onto blank white pages. Then I crashed emotionally. Went into a non-intentional, self imposed exile. Only went out of the house twice all week, and everything got quiet, still, and sad. Sad, for the obvious reason that Joanne is not here to share in this accomplishment. Quiet and still because of my inability to pick up the phone and call upon my friends or family when I'm overcome with this ongoing and profound sadness. Quiet and still because of my fears and insecurities about the book, and all of me being out there for everyone to read about, or worse, not read about. Fear and insecurity that it isn't good enough, fearthat I've become irrelevant, invisible, forgotten. For two days, I sat, paralyzed on the couch, staring at the phone, wishing it to ring, trying to muster the courage, or whatever it takes to call someone, anyone. A long strange week ends today...I will get up, get out, buy and plant some flowers, go hang out with mom, go to a Super Bowl party tomorrow, then start a new and better week.